The best feeling in the world is kissing someone for the first time when you’ve really wanted to kiss them for a long time.
Like always, mother knows best!
Spent most of the day yesterday worrying about my work dinner and complaining to my mum. In every social situation she says “stop worrying before it even happens. Just go with the flow. I bet you will come back and say it was great”. And so I got home and, once again, told her she was right.
Met my workmates partners and in a spur of the moment, asked her to come to a dance class with me. The night went great and we’ll be doing it again in a couple weeks.
Wake up this morning and I’m worrying I talked too much. What is wrong with me? Haha
STOP WORRYING, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!!
You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
Im 20 and like staying at home on my days off. Why?
This is the hard thing about being someone like me, an introvert. You want to be out there, doing things, making all those late night dreams come true but when it comes to reality, you couldn’t think of anything worse.
For the past year or so I’ve been trying to fight for happiness. I am in no way depressed or hating life, I would just much rather stay in bed all day and keep to myself than go out and socialise. This leaves me feeling empty, lonely and numb; I’m neither happy or sad, I’m just being. I almost feel like I’ve been stuck in this rut for so long now that trying to be full of energy is so much work.
I’ve actually been invited out tonight with work friends for dinner. At the time I thought it would be great to go, we all get along so well at work, but this morning trying to find an outfit I realised how much I don’t want to go. Not because I don’t want to see them, but I just haven’t been out in SO long, I have no fashion sense (or night dressy clothes) and I am terrified of being a mute at the dinner table. I’m so out of practice of being social, I can’t stand small talk.
In my head I think I’m finally ready to maybe meet someone. I watch movies, read tumblr, see how happy my friends are and think maybe I can finally do that. But, yet again, when it turns to day and I have to face reality…I do no socialising to meet new people, I have terrible talking skills and even the sight of anyone remotely pretty or skinny makes me want to roll into a ball and have my self esteem trampled on. So no, I’m probably not ready.
All this negativity makes me so angry. I shouldn’t be like this and I don’t want to be. Thing is, since ‘growing apart’ from most of my friends, I have very little inclination to go out and do things. I get sick of doing everything by myself that it’s just easier to stay at home where I feel comfy and can lounge around in tights…yep. We all have such busy lives these days, it’s hard to catch up. Why I chose hospitality for a job and a social life I don’t know?! Haha
Many things make me happy, like my dancing and teaching, and even my job lately but I think I just miss going on fun, spontaneous adventures. Oh, and money, I miss not having to spend money on bills. Dammit.
I’m such a homebody, and it’s a love/hate relationship.
Forever working towards happiness, what ever that may be. Should I try inventing a chocolate that makes you skinny?